


No Sense in Losing Sleep

by uchiwas



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Boys In Love, Comfort, Ghost!Ash Lynx, Goodbyes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchiwas/pseuds/uchiwas
Summary: Eiji wakes up- and realizes that he must still be dreaming. Ash will never get this chance again.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	No Sense in Losing Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> this little drabble takes place after the events of the show. Ash is not alive, but his death isn’t really discusss. it’s not much but I hope you enjoy a little sad/sweet rambling ;-;

Eiji wakes up, and figures that he must still be dreaming. His eyes train on the stucco ceiling of his bedroom, before they fall to the weight at the end of bed. There is someone sitting, right by his legs, and-, well, Eiji figures he must have never woken up, after all.

Sitting at the foot of his bed, with his back pressed against the wall, is Ash. He holds a book in his hands, too engrossed in whatever he’s reading to notice that Eiji’s woken up. He is fully dressed, coat and all, which is much more suited to the temperamental weather of the United States. Nonetheless, he is Ash, and he is here.

Eiji blinks a few times, sure that his eyes are deceiving him, but still, Ash remains in front of him.

“Ash?” Eiji calls out to him, his voice quiet and hoarse with disuse. Despite how tired he’d previously been, having woken up in the middle of the night, he sits up in bed with a rapidity that startles Ash right out of his reading. This couldn’t possibly be happening. “Ash!”

“Eiji,” Ash smiles softly at him, jade eyes finally meeting Eiji’s, after far too long. His name rolls off his tongue bundled in the words that Ash had wanted to say to him, but hadn’t gotten the chance. “Rise and shine. I wasn’t sitting on your feet, was I?”

“Oh my god,” Eiji breathes excitedly, kicking off his blankets to move closer to Ash.There are a million questions bursting at the seam of his lips. Eiji doesn’t even know where to begin. He doesn’t reach out to touch him- hug him, like he truly wants to. Not yet, at least.

“Oh my god,  _ Ash _ . How did you-, You got on a plane and did not even tell me! Did my mother let you in? Does she know who you-,” Interrupting himself, Eiji can’t stop himself from throwing his arms around Ash’s shoulders. Ash sets the book down, as his arms come to wrap around Eij’s back. Risen on his knees, he nearly towers over Ash, as he holds him.

“Eiji,” Ash laughs softly, a sympathetic look on his face that halts Eiji in his cerebral tracks. The rest of his sentence goes unspoken, dying between them.

The realization dawns on him, with the weight of smog. “I’m dreaming.” Eiji speaks again, after a breath between them. Despite the tightness in his voice, he is resigned, in his expression. He tries to smile at Ash, but it comes off slightly grim. “I should’ve known, but it feels so real.”

“You’re dreaming.” Ash tells him, in confirmation. He startles, as Eiji pays no mind to what he said, instead dropping his head to Ash’s shoulder, as he hugs him again.

“If I’m dreaming,” Ash can feel a slight shrug, to his shoulders. Eiji is so relieved to hear his voice. “Then I’m still glad you’re here.”

Ash holds Eiji tighter, and he wonders just how much of the contact he can actually feel. Ash stares out into the dark expanse of Eiji’s bedroom. He wishes he would’ve been able to see it in person. “I’ll be with you soon.”

Eiji laughs softly, breath tickling Ash’s neck. “My brain’s just trying to make myself feel better, clearly.”

“Maybe.” Ash agrees, letting Eiji pull away from the hug. He doesn’t flinch when Eiji brings his hands up to hold Ash’s face between them. The gesture is soft, cradled, and Ash doesn’t-, he can’t remember the last time he’d been held like this. He isn’t entirely sure it’s ever happened.

“You’re happy, right?” Ash asks, eyes searching Eiji’s, as a glimmer of confused amusement passes through them.

“I’m happier now that you’re here with me.” Comes Eiji’s reply, and it takes all of Ash’s strength to not shut his eyes and re-open them tearily. “Well-, kinda here.” 

“Kinda here.” Ash agrees quietly. Eiji’s hands only fall from the sides of his face when he leans forward and rests his head against Eiji’s chest. His arm around Eiji’s back makes sure that he doesn’t fall over, despite startling at the sudden hug. 

Ash relishes in the tremendous sound of Eiji’s heartbeat. The sturdy rhythm of life that Ash could never tire of. It’s what he had worked for-, after all.

They are silent, for a few dulcet breaths, as he lets himself be held against Eiji. Ash doesn’t know how much time he has here, but Eiji somehow seems to know that too.

“You read my letter, right? Dream-Ash?” He jokes, and for his sake, Ash laughs along quietly.

The letter, Ash thinks of it both fondly and regretfully. If he reaches into the pocket of his coat, he hopes to still feel it brush against his fingers. He hopes to take that with him, no matter where he’s going. He hopes to have no blood on his hands, anymore.

“Of course I did.” Ash replies, taking comfort in the soft cotton of Eiji’s sleep shirt, against his cheek. No more hospital gowns and tattered clothing. No more bloodstains and sleepless nights. It’s all over. “It was beautiful.”

He thinks of the words Eiji had so generously written to him. The way his heart must have bled onto the pages, in a way much more honest than anything Ash was used to. Everything about Eiji was bright, and new and things that he never wanted to let go of, now that he’d had them.

“I love you, Eiji.” Ash doesn’t mean for the words to slip out as thoughtlessly as they do, but there seems to be nothing else he’d rather say, in this instant. Nothing else he could even think to say, to Eiji.

“Whoa,” He feels Eiji tense momentarily, against him, as he breathes out a startled huff of laughter. “I really must miss you, Ash. To be dreaming of you saying this-,”

“You love me too, right?” Ash interrupts softly, lifting his head to look up at Eiji, once more. There is no time to not say the things that need to be said. There is no more time to wait and to be wrong.

“I think the whole part where I promise my soul to you is proof enough of that.” Eiji admits. Even in the dark, Ash can see the faint pink glow that has come to paint his cheeks. He was always one to fluster easily.

“Good.” Ash tells him, and his mouth wobbles when he tries to smile. If he is to die, at least he has loved. At least he has been loved, in return.

Ash fears nothing, in the time that he’s held in Eiji’s embrace. There isn’t much of it, though, as a dull throb sends it’s way up the left side of Ash’s body, reminding him of how he’d been brought here, in the first place.

“You alright?” Eiji asks, when he sees the way Ash winces. He immediately backs off of him, sitting down at the edge of the bed, to give him space. “Are you hurt? Did my brain seriously make you injured in this dream? That’s so  _ rude _ -,”

“I’m okay.” Ash chuckles quietly, for Eiji’s sake. He thanks whatever God may greet him soon, that Eiji can enjoy this time. Enjoy it blindly, to say the least. “I think you should get back to bed, though.”

“But I like talking to you. It’s my dream.” Eiji protests, his lower lip jutting out minutely. Despite his gentle arguing, Ash lifts a hand to his shoulder, urging him to lie back down in bed. He does, but not before pulling Ash to lie down with him.

“We can fall asleep together.” Eiji reasons. This might be the best dream he’s ever had. To fall asleep with Ash, and to know that they will both wake up. In two different places, but nonetheless, Eiji smiles to himself. They will both wake up.

“Sure,” Ash agrees, allowing himself to be manhandled into lying on his side. “Whatever you want.”

Eiji must notice that he’s still fully dressed, because he does not stay quiet for very long.“I could get you some pyjamas or-,”

“A dream,” Ash reminds him. Bringing a hand up to smooth through Eiji’s unruly hair. He’s selfish, in the way that he soaks in all of Eiji’s features. He doesn’t want to forget a single detail of his face. Of the way his eyes crinkle in the corners, when he laughs. Of the way his nose twitches when he glares or how his mouth always quirks when he’s discussing something serious.

“You’re staring.” Eiji tells him, and their faces are much closer than Ash first realized.

“I am.” Ash agrees, openly.

“D’you think,” Eiji starts, pausing timidly. He can feel the ghost of Ash’s breath on his skin, in a way that makes his cheeks flare. “I could still kiss you? Even in a dream?” Eiji asks, and he is nervous, as he awaits Ash’s reply.

His reply comes in the form of a kiss. Soft, just as tentative as Eiji’s question. There is no rush, no clamour that echoes behind their walls. The room is bathed in silence, and they are steeped in love. It is the most gentle kiss Ash has ever experienced. He wishes he could experience it tenfold.

“Guess you can.” Eiji whispers quietly, against his lips. He kisses Ash once more, for good measure. For safekeeping.

He lets Ash rest his head against his chest, right over his heart once more. They are quiet, and Eiji couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be than to really live this, one day.

When Ash speaks again, it comes unexpectedly. “What would you say to Shorter? If you could-, I mean.” Ash adds, turning his head to watch the way Eiji sighs, a frown forming on his face.

“Hm,” He ponders aloud, for a moment. “I would, first, tell him that I’m sorry,” Eiji starts, and Ash wants to tell him that there is nothing to apologize for, but he doesn’t interrupt him. “And that I think about him often. I hope wherever he is that he’s happy and safe.”

“I hope he is too.” Ash agrees, soaking in Eiji’s words. He doesn’t tell Eiji that he’s sure to let Shorter know, when he sees him.  _ I hope wherever I go that I am happy and I am safe too. _ “I’m looking forward to seeing Griffin again.”

“Huh?” Eiji asks, his frown setting further into his features. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” Ash dismisses quickly, once again, thankful that Eiji isn’t reading too much into this moment. A dream, after all. “I just-,” He isn’t sure if he can say what he means to say, so he settles for simply smiling at Eiji, before turning back to the ceiling again. “Nevermind.” His side throbs, where he’d been stabbed.

Eiji doesn’t press him any further, and Ash will be forever grateful. In the silence of Eiji’s still-life night, they lie in bed. Ash trails his fingers up and down the length of Eiji’s forearm, just to engrave the feeling of his body into his memory. Ash knows that Eiji will fall asleep again soon. He knows that he will have to go.

“You seem very peaceful, Ash.” Eiji tells him, and Ash can already detect the notes of exhaustion in his voice. “You seem-, very happy, actually.”

“I am at peace.” Ash replies, after a pause. He sends a quick spiritual apology to whoever had to deal with him in the library, back in New York City. “I’m at peace with you.”

“Come to Japan,” Eiji pleads to him in earnest, as though his dream could somehow transcend time and reach Ash, across the world. “Come to Japan, Ash. I know you’d be happy and you could be safe-,”

“I will.” Ash promises, emptily. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Okay,” Eiji sighs quietly, resigning himself to falling asleep, with his head on Ash’s shoulder. Slumber is inevitable, with Ash finally next to him. Eiji’s sure it will feel so much warmer, when it is a reality.

“Eiji.” Ash calls for him, a beacon of light across the sea. He has turned his head to stare out the window, up at the unforgiving light of the moon.

“Hm,” Comes the tired reply. 

Ash hesitates, before looking over at Eiji’s face. His eyes are shut, though he remains awake. “You know that I’m always with you. Right? That I’ll always be with you?”

Eiji sighs sleepily, his hand searching for Ash’s, as he loops their fingers together and lifts it up to kiss his knuckles. “And I, with you.”

“Okay.” Ash shuts his eyes, as the blurring warmth of tears finally begins to seep through. He turns his head back to face the window, before Eiji can notice anything. He isn’t ready, Ash thinks to himself, as he wills himself not to break down. He doesn’t want to leave Eiji. “Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Eiji tells him.

As he drifts off again, he wonders if he can always have dreams like this. That is, until Ash really does come to him, and Eiji can tell him all of this, in person.

It is without surprise, when Eiji wakes up the following morning, and Ash isn’t there with him. He swears he can see an indent in his sheets, but he might simply be sleep-addled.

Eiji blushes at how vulnerable he’d been in his dream, though his heart aches at the lack of Ash.  _ Soon _ , he tries to tell himself. Soon, that will be real.

And yet, perhaps not. It is the only thing that comes to mind when Eiji sets foot in the kitchen, and finds Ibe talking quietly with his mother. As he catches sight of Eiji in the doorway, there is more held in his eyes than words could ever convey.

Quite quickly, Eiji understands. In his mind, it is grim.

“Ash isn’t coming, is he?” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading if u did!! ;-; comments and kudos are always fun and appreciate xox
> 
> come find me on twitter: @babypiiiar


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